Locked in With The Devil – When you're quarantined with your abuser.
I usually try to offer helpful advice with a little humor in my posts, but there is nothing funny about this subject. There is evidence that domestic violence rates are increasing thanks to the virus. If you are quarantined with an abusive spouse, home feels more dangerous than the Coronavirus. Abusers tend to be anxious at their core, and they try to keep everyone and everything under their control to keep their anxiety at bay. The loss of control over their job and life, too much togetherness, and the threat of contracting what could be a life-threatening illness may contribute to outbursts of violence.
Even though you are in quarantine, police are not. Asking for help from law enforcement is still a safe alternative. There's a popular lip-sync on TikTok, of a woman calling 911 to order a pepperoni pizza. The idea is that the dispatcher will know she needs help but that her abuser is in the room with her. It's a great idea, and it might work. It's worth a try, in an emergency, but it's not a universal code for "I need help." Many larger cities have a system that allows you to text 911. Just pull up a new message, type 911 in the "to" box, and send a message asking for help and giving as much detail as possible. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) keeps an up to date list of which jurisdictions can accept 911 texts at https://www.fcc.gov/consumers/guides/text-911-quick-facts-faqs.
If you're still going out for essentials, that may be your opportunity to leave, or at the least, to contact someone who can help. If your spouse is going out for essentials, that may be the time to grab the kids and go. The most important advice: keep your head and make a plan.
You may have heard that courts are closed, but all courts are operating on an extremely limited basis for essential functions, and Domestic violence restraining orders are essential. Check your jurisdiction's website to be sure of hours and procedures and get a restraining order as soon as possible. Domestic violence advocates may still be available to help you with the paperwork, either on the phone or via video chat.
Domestic violence grants are still available. In many states, you apply for the grant at the same place you apply for cash assistance and food stamps. Apply for everything you are eligible for because you are going to need the help. Domestic violence family shelters are still operating. You have options. Reach out to the one in your area for help.
