Talking to Your Kids About Divorce

I know, you’d rather walk through a minefield, but are a few ideas to help you talk to your kids about your impending divorce.

• Be honest, but not too honest.  Your children don’t need or want all the gory details.

• Don’t make your spouse the bad guy.  Your children want to love both of you.

• Involve the other parent if you can.  At a minimum, tell them you are telling your children.

• Involve a professional if needed.  

• Don’t tell your children you stopped loving their other parent.  If you do, they will wonder if you could stop loving them.

• Be specific about what they can expect.  If you don’t know, acknowledge that there are things you and their other parent haven’t worked out yet. Reassure them that you are working on it.

• Children are self-absorbed little beings who live in the moment.  They want to know how this will affect them. Where will they live? Where will they go to school?  How and when will they see the other parent? What will happen to the family pet?  Do your best to answer those questions.

• Keep your answers as matter-of-fact and brief as possible. Do not attempt this conversation until you are sure you can do so without breaking down.  

• Finish the conversation by telling them both their parents love them very much, that you will give them time to think about it, and they can come to you with questions anytime. 

• Ask them if they would like a popsicle or a banana, or to go out for ice cream – because when in doubt, throw food at them. No one ever processed unhappy news well on an empty stomach.

This stuff is hard, but to quote Glennon Doyle, “We can do hard things.”