Marriage Amid the Wreckage of COVID-19
Can Millennials Survive the Sad Financial and Social Tsunami?
Welcome to the pandemic’s second wave. No amount of hand washing and mask-wearing will slow the spread of the steadily increasing tidal wave that threatens to swamp even the sturdiest family.
The COVID-19 pandemic puts pressure on families and marriages that may overrun the economy and the social structure of our country for years to come, and Millennials, people ages 25 to 40, are firmly in the path of this second wave tsunami. The average Millennial left college with crippling college debt to began her work life during the 2008 recession. Experts were already predicting this generation, for the first time in many generations, would not do better than their parents. Then came COVID-19. Now, Millenials, many at the height of their career and family-building years, find themselves battered, not by a first or second wave, but by a category five hurricane. And like a hurricane, the wind and waves are quickly eroding this generation’s hope and resilience.
“The story here is not just that it’s a bad recession, and that it’s hitting young people more, but that it’s hitting people who have already been hit,” said Gray Kimbrough, an economist at American University. The COVID-19 recession has affected Millenials disproportionately. A recent article in the Washington Post reports that employment among millennials dropped by 16 percent in March and April of 2020. The 25 to 40 age group is the engine of any economy. Still, just as millennials reach their prime years for home buying, child-rearing, and retirement savings, they are losing their jobs, depleting their savings, and seeing stock market drops deplete their retirement accounts.
Millennials who are still working are doing so from home. Many have young children in their homes, children whose schools have closed, or are now providing remote instruction. Activities like sports, trips to the gym, movies, and dinners in restaurants are not possible, and the home that was adequate for the family has become a small pressure cooker of togetherness. Families have literally and figuratively run out of bandwidth. Mom needs to make a Zoom call for work, Dad is trying to place an Amazon order for groceries, and both children are doing homework online; no one can find a quiet moment. This illustration is the best-case scenario. For many, it’s not even that easy; they have either lost their service jobs or are essential workers who go out daily into the dangerous storm. Rent and mortgage moratoriums only get them so far, because eventually the tide will come back in, and those skipped rent and house payments will need to be made up by people who are depleted both financially and emotionally.
Recessions disproportionately hurt children. There is much anecdotal evidence that the children born during the 2008 recession suffer from higher levels of anxiety, behavior problems, and learning disabilities. Educators across the world have noted this phenomenon as children who were exposed to what experts call “toxic stress,” require different strategies and approaches. The children of the 2008 recession are best described as traveling through the school system like an egg through a snake. Children before and after that cohort require far less behavioral intervention and academic support.
The landscape of the world has changed just as radically as if a tidal wave had swept across the globe, and the aftermath will continue to undermine and threaten our social structure for years to come. Everything seems harder. The things we all rely on to relieve stress, the office, trips to the gym, a night out, vacation, time alone, or alone time with a spouse have all evaporated, leaving us lonelier, more stressed, and angrier, and there is no relief in sight. Family law attorneys and family therapists are seeing a sharp increase in initial calls. The limitations on social safety nets are further compounding the problem as child welfare agencies do fewer face to face assessments, and fewer people can access social services. Many experts expect a 25% increase in divorce filings in the next year, and police report sharp increases in violent crimes. In Phoenix, Arizona, domestic violence-related deaths have more than doubled over the same period last year.
Previously divorced families fare no better as co-parents battle bitterly about COVID-19 responses and restrictions. When parents disagree about how to protect their children, some parents insist on COVID-19 parenting contracts that set out necessary protections and when and where the children can go. The financial crisis has a cascading effect, as child support and spousal support payments are delayed or not paid at all, and unemployed parents lose their health insurance.
This tidal wave, enormous and inexorable, threatens to swamp each of our family boats. The aftermath of the global pandemic will require a global response, much bigger than the ones needed after Hurricane Katrina or the 2004 Indonesian tsunami. Unlike those earlier events, though, the pandemic isn’t isolated to one location, and it’s hitting families hard. Unemployment and isolation are the deep earthquakes spawning a coming wave of divorce, which will, in turn, make a recovery slower and more difficult.
